Sunday, April 9, 2006
posted at 1:54 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH!!!ya..it was actually yesterday...yeah.must always keep that smile on okay, faith?hope you liked the present.everything in my mind is like in a mess yesterday in school.i dont know why.. its just...
other than mess, my brain, mind and thought are all in a mess..
when i was doing my chem test yesterday, i wasnt as nervous as everyone.
i wasnt franticly trying to do every question right or even completing the paper.
i just had like the thought that .. its just another piece of work.
i am CRAZY if you wanna say that...
how can someone treat a test like another piece of homework?
not that the paper is really eazy or i thought that i will score full marks, its just that ..
i dont feel like doing the paper..
i wanted to leave pages blank and not do questions i dont feel like thinking for a stupid answer.
trust me, all my answers are just crap..
what the point of thinking when you know that you are not the type who have the brains to study..
and that you teacher cant teach.?
in the mids of my paper, i was thinking of dropping out of school.
then, i thought why not i go like brake all the school rules so i will get expelled or something.
so i wouldnt have to face all the teachers and all those words and formulas and even numbers on all my damn textbooks.
why must everyone study?as in, study so many subjuects and subjects that you dont even enjoy.
i dont see how chem will help me in the future.. or even a maths... like functions!!
why would anyone use functions in the 1st place.and
who in the whole will look at an object and say.. ' ohh, that thing have a marcomolecular structure. i think i will buy it cos it have strong covalent bond'NO RIGHT?that person must be out of his/her mind lar.
i serious think that i am just... too stress.
why must everyone that 8 subs and take o levels.
i mean, it means that in on earth now lives to get a stupid paper called certificate?
which you cant even bring on with you after you die.
dont tell me that GOD would recongise us as his children cos we did have certificates.
or will HE not let us into heaven cos we scored so badly for o levels or that we go poly?
no right.
so i really dont see that point f studying.
I REALLY WANNA DROP OUT OF SCHOOL!!when i completed the chem test, i sat there and stare blankly into space.
why did i even come to school?
for more homework?
for more test?
no, i came to school for friends.
so, if one day, i dont have anymore friends in school, i most probably just pon school the whole of my life.
crap man...haix.
to think of it, i have thought of dropping out of school since my pri 6 days.
even before i took PSLE.
i wanted to stop studing after PSLE and just sleep at home.
or go find a job.
i mean, whats the point of studying when you dont what to.
all i know now is that my whole is in a totally mess.
i know what and why i am living for now.
for GOD, family, friends and dreams.
i know i will fail the paper.
so when the paper was collected, i just sat on my table all by myself and stoned.
i will really LOL if i pass.
rachel came along to ask if the paper was diffcult.
IT WAS to me cos i didnt had the mood to study that day before
and i was thinking of failing since the moment i studied.
everyone thought the paper was easy.
but, whatever.
its just another paper that the teacher will mark and talk to you when you fail and make you go for remedial.
and you still totally have no idea what is the teacher talking about after tons of remedial.
cos i am NOT interested at all.
most teacher thinks i am a quiet good girl who occasionally goes high, listen in class and do all my homework and study all my test.
but too bad, i am not like that.
sorry.
i know i needed to turn to GOD for all these that have processed in my brain.
so i make sure i went for emma's CG yesterday night at acs barker.
i know i hate that place a lot.
but, i am not going there just to see or know her chirchmate there.
i was very clear i went there for GOD.
the girls cell people there are really nice.
really warm.
and i think i really needed that.
sorry to emma and angela, whenever it comes to going to church.
i am anti-social and very quiet.
i dont know why.
maybe its cos i am not familar with the place.
my daddy allow me to go there more often since i liked the CG.
yeah.
GOD IS MY STRENGTH OF MY HEART.
i will perserver on.
but school, no guarantee that i will continue to study and follow the school rules.
i need to scream it out.
A slient screamer hurts herself.
