i can't believe someone just labelled me as my girlfriend's 'other friends'.
hey you there! i'm not just her other friend okay?! what do you actually mean by that? you think you're the only one getting hurt by her?! look who hurt who in the very first episode of your friendship. gosh, i feel so like just standing up so much for her. cos i believe that everything mentioned was just another episode of 'i-need-excuses-to-ensure-that-this-friendship-last'. whatever, i had enough since you just stabbed that knife into me 3 years back.
bye you.
look who's the other friend?
--------------
sorry, i feel like breaking the promise i just made yesterday ..
this year's christmas really didnt felt like christmas
well, mum + cousin + some others agreed with me on that point.
mum agreed that snowing in singapore will help improve the christmas feel in everyone.
lol.
maybe i was too busy with church stuff, i had school in december and i didnt do any shopping this christmas, hence having no christmas feel. ohwells.
christmas is not really about all these things anyways.
but christmas songs are starting to become just another song, no special meaning..
oh, i need to show you all Mr. Happy!! He's the gift David gave me for christmas. :D:D ain't he really really cute :D:D haha i brought him out yesterday with family .. LOL. and doretta kept on calling me crazy. he's really really big and nice to hug :D:D thanks brother!
yesterday went with family to mount faber. mum kept on telling us its very quiet and nice up there. so we went with the intention to just look at the night scene there. but turn out that the place got revamp dont know when and yeah, its very very nice and crowded there yesterday.
the lovely christmas tree!!
retarded david with the small tree.
there was like jewel castle, ice land, ... alot of them there. we decided to take cable car at Ice Land. i mean being in a cable car is the best way to view night scene in small singapore right? family.
mum + doretta + me + darryl
dad + mum
me + darryl + david
just look at him being retarded. (**!! i just realised that he look like Mr. Happy there!! HAHAHA, probably just the shirt colour ba.)
haha, it have been a long time since i sat on the cable car. its a romantic place to be with loved ones. half an hour ride to just spend time with loved ones :D haha, oh and the night scene of singapore was okay lah. cos we only got to see like the plot of dug up land for IR. lol, its really really huge. and singapore's night lightings are actually quite pretty ... :) i want to dine on the cable car someday with someone ... HAHAHAH!! shhh ~
anyhow, we went to eat supper after that which i didnt shot any cos i was so hungry and ate alot according to my family. they were like stunned at how much i ate and kept saying that i ate the most and all TT______TT make me feel so bad and fat.
but it was nice. it have been long since family went out and do something other than eating and shopping :D:D
today i was doing project school, and somehow, i was again reminded of the symptoms of Depression and what it really is.
Definition Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for an extended period of time.
Depression is generally ranked in terms of severity -- mild, moderate, or severe. The degree of your depression, which your doctor can determine, influences how you are treated. Symptoms of depression include:
Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
A dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
Fatigue and lack of energy
Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
Extreme difficulty concentrating
Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities
Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
Somehow, i remember all these symptoms occurring some time through this year. well, at least i am experiencing more than 1/2 of it now i guess.
went to watch twlight today with churchmates. and i realised that i only like the characters' character and their love. but well, its a drama afterall. no one is all that daring and faithful in reality.
then we went to watch carolling, which made me think of the most random thing that is not really related to the carolling. #1. Anyone remember Britney's old old song, 'Born to make you happy'? yeah, i guess i was born to make other people happy but not myself. #2. I'm nobody. I admit i used to thought i sang well. But look at those on stage singing. They make me feel embarrassed about my own voice, about how i actual suck as a backup singer cos of my vocals. #3. God, please bless me with the talent to sing. Cos that's one of the only thing i can train and teach myself in order to serve you.
oh wells, i think doreen is going to get a depressing emo christmas.
considering the fact that i have yet blog since thursday, i am really really busy. this madness will end soon i know .. and hope :X:X
i was a little mean to heng today and i feel super bad now. yes, being tired will lead to many other things like getting annoyed super easily, bad tempted, angry, easily irritated .. :( i'm so sorry, heng .. for giving you the so harsh and irritated and annoyed and cannot chill tone just now.
lol, its been long since i've slept at 9pm and i'm so going to do it today since i've to wake up at 7.30pm or rather leave the house at 8.30am tmr :(
okay, sleeping at 9pm is that not early anymore ... because its only 10.5 hrs of sleep TTT______________TTT i want my 12 hrs of sleep so badly :X maybe i shall attempt to sleep at 8.30pm then .
I shouldn't have blog before i heard the bad things.
Sighx,
korean wasnt that bad. i felt that i could read korean like i was half-korean, like i had some korean blood in me. both written and oral went well, other than the fact that my partner for oral really cant speak or read korean ...
film test went well too, my first time sitting for a test that i'm confident when all i did was read thru notes twice.
came home to pamper myself with alot of Big Bang-ing.
found out something a while back. i used to dislike guys with smile eyes due some big dislikes over some small eyed guys,
but now i know, small eyes guys have that charm that 'big' eyes guys may not have. lol, does this only apply to koreans? figure it out yourselves :P
so.. to guys with small eyes, please dont be sad :)
----
I hate this world, and this world hates me.
Yes, because i'm an alien in this place, in this world. This is not where i belong. I want to be There, back with Him. Heaven is the only place where i belong. Yet, i dont wish to see Him just yet.
Yes, irony is the word you're searching for in your mind.
this week is going to be a super rough week, i hope i do survive physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
cos i feel like every single bit of me is slowly dying.
these 5 months have been crazy, crazy enough to get me admitted not only into a regular hospital, but into IMH (Institution of Mental Health) <-- right?
talking about hospital, i really want to go and see the doctor. i think i need to, or is it another psychology crap again?
i remember the last time i saw a doctor was in Jan at Alexandra Hospital.
So, is it a good or bad sign?
cos as mentioned, it feels that every bit of me is slowing dying...
bad.
and actually, okay, no one knows this.
other than planning and whatever happens in the camp, i'm just afraid that my back cannot take it though i can. yesterday, cos i studied the whole day, my back was in protest cos it had to support my body frame the whole day with little movement made. Okay, its just cranky.
and now, even my heart is protesting ... i felt like ripping it out so much just now ...
yes, rip it and tear it into a million pieces, then blow it away into the dark sky ... ...
I've been studying the whole day with my blanket wrapped around me.
Only if someone was there to hug me the whole day.
I know you not know who you are.
But i just want a hug, a long hug to warm up with heart again.
Yes, i do want to be emotionless.
But, i still want that a warm heart on a cold day like this..
Maybe its really going to snow in Singapore this christmas..
every year i just wish for snow in singapore :(
Well, i will go and try to study korean while emo-ing in 'winter' in Singapore when waiting for a hug that God will send from heaven since humans dont love me.
today was funnnn :D haha, so was yesterday. okay, i'm going to blog about both :)
yesterday, i went to recce with chng and kenna. only, fun official starts when kenna and me were going high about the $1-ball-machines (you know those you slot a dollar or 2 and get a plastic ball with a toy inside?) haha, yeah. she's got a yoyo and naruto gloves.
naruto Gaara wannabe -______- LOL!! HAHAHAHHA
and i've got just a bracelet thingy with a poodle + duck which i got off a shop. haha, i know you are jealous :P too bad i'm cool! LOL!! though someone keeps on mocking me that's its just childishness i've got -_____- you know who you are totally ...
anyhow, that was yesterday. today went to DOULOS with mum, sister and kenna at vivo. lol, its like finally i'm up there!! haha!! it was seriously worth the trip. it was really really a great trip there since we got to walk all around the ship since we're considered 'v.i.p' on board cos mummy got her way to do that. lol, yes, so a lady brought us around like tour guide :D:D please regret to those who've i approach to go to DOULOS, lol :P Doulos is really really pretty though the lady referred to 'all i see is white paint', but i still think its really pretty. everyone lives so happily inside, makes me wanna run away from reality world and into His arms for just 3 months. but i dont think i'm ready for anything like that for the moment. haha, maybe kenna wouldnt mind going on board too right?
haha, bought ALOT OF BOOKS off their bookstore :D yes, i love my books .. I WILL READ THEM! lol, its coolio mellow to bits okay...
i've just gotten a really really cool everlast watch today which i totally love it!! haha, got it off city chain which mummy so nicely paid as christmas present. haha, 2nd christmas gift received for the year :P yeah, its the MOST UNIQUE watch i've ever seen/own. seriously, it rocks!! kinda of pricey though, but not my money so :D:D LOL i should start wearing pretty sexy watch all around cos i'm cool!! :D:D
okay, i'm doing TOO MUCH self-praise on this post.
yesterday was crazy day. haha, but it was a crazy day with loads of stress plus fun..
okay, let's start from yesterday morning :D:D (warning: this post will be extra photo heavy ..) i've yet blog any thing like that for a while :D FILMING!!! doreen is producer director + camera-incharge for the day :D:D
haha, i think i dont mind being producer director .. haha anything with the director in it, i dont mind :D:D lol, so desperate...
it was seriously so tough doing filming and running around doing lighting and all the wire work when you're wearing a dress. i'm so glad i didnt wear heels. well, read on to know why doreen HAD to wear a dress that day...
during animation class, again, i slept during class and teacher was nice to let me sleep. i kept on insisting that i bring my brains to class and she didnt really blamed me for being all lazy and tired :D she rock for being nice :D
since i was just doing nothing, i've decided to camwhore with FAM. family photo minus pet dog. haha, my ahboy and ahgirl :)
there is pet dog in blue and my ahboy on the set.
then i felt kinda of guilty for not doing work for 1/2 the time, i decided to do some ...
wo bu like animation :( i've decided not to put all our camwhore photos here, its all on facebook my dearies :D for all the photos, please msn me :D Album 1: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=63409&id=598026105 Album 2: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=63409&id=598026105
anyhow, continuing. i was suppose to meet jing and jo at town at 7.30pm. but i reached at like slightly before 6.. since i was dead tired, very sleepy, i decided to just head to starbucks to grab a latte while waiting.. when i was at starbucks, i was O.O terribly shocked!! there was SO MANY PEOPLE!!! then i realised, HAHAHA, free drink on the house at 5 - 7 pm that day at all starbucks outlet! gosh, i cant be that lucky. and its ANY drink you can pick from. so i got myself a tofnut latte :) ABSOLUTELY FREE!! haha, i am still so high about the fact that i saved $7 on coffee yesterday :D
okay, after wondering around for like almost 2 hours, i met jing. well, jo just asked us to dress very nicely for dinner today and not telling us where to meet and what is the dinner all about. jo's mum called to tell us to meet at Royal Plaza, so we set off there.
and then after a while of waiting, we realised that the dinner was for jo's sister, yvonne's 21st birthday!!! yeah, it was seriously shocking but that's so jo. she will surprise you in the most unexpected way, she can do ANYTHING mann.. LOL
there we went, Buffet at Royal Plaza. The food and company was great. and i was kinda of full from the latte so i had to try to stuff myself ... LOL nah, the food was great, its worth the stuff .. LOL
photos :D YUMYUM:) (that's only the dessert bit :) )
jing, my pet pig :D
wife + pig
jo + do + jing
jo's brother, Thomas who sat with us ...
pig + joyce (jo's younger sis)
brithday girl, yvonne + jo
jo playing with the lighting of the resturant ... lol but seriously the lighting and deco of the resturant / hotel rocks
jo + 21 balloons for yvonne :D
okay, that's it, i'm going to grab some food though i'm still not hungry. .. my stomach is being weird ... :)
Hannah seriously have some big issues with her english. She supposedly had B3 for O's for English, A1 for Literature. While stupid me had B4 for English, A2 for literature, but it seems that i'm better than her :P LOL Enjoy all her crazy stupid english!
Hannah: hey, tmr bring maptop? *laptop
Lol, when since was a Apple Macintosh known as Mactop?
Hannah: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!! Doreen: Stop laughing at yourself. Hannah: No, I'm not laughing at myself. I'm laughing at yourself. Doreen: *stares at Hannah* Laughing at yourself? 'laughing at you' you meant? Hannah: OH, hahahaha, yes. 'laughing at you'.
-________- told you her english is seriously needing help.
Hannah: doreen should go to a toilet bow and self reflect DO:erm ... what's a toilet bow? i mean, is that Dog language? ( <-- hannah is a Dog because she says she's not a bitch + she's a male) Jocelyn!: lol..., im in no part of this hannah: you dont even know wats a toilet bow when a 'dog' knows. so pitiful, worse than bimbos. DO: excuse me ... what the heck is a toilet bow? you want me to ask bitch what it is? cos the both of us would just tell you its toilet BOWL and not toilet bow, you idiotic dog Hannah: Hahahahaha, oh yeh! its toilet bowl? i didnt know tat DO: OH hannah: i always spelt it as bow DO: another new finding about stupid hannah who thought she was DAMN SMART by spelling toilet bow
haha, seriously, take English lessons in school, Hannah. while me and joc take korean and jap .... LOL
Me: How?! What do i do?! Flush it down? (looking into the toilet bowl, obviously dont want to put my clean hand in)
Doretta: How much is it?
Me: Erm, 10 cents?
Doretta: Flush it.
Me: Orh, okay!! (flushes toilet bowl)
... ...
Me: AHHHHH!!!
Doretta: -_______- what?
Me: I forgot?!
Doretta: What?
Me: I forgot to make a wish!!! You know like those pond you throw coins in?!
Doretta: (ignores her stupid sister and continue smiling at her taiwan drama)
-_________-
i should have made a wish.
:( i was still thinking of what wish i should made this christmas, and i told myself i wanna to wish for a older sister though that would NEVER happen..
but, i gave my wish like that..
it was a sign to wish when the coin dropped into the toilet bowl okay ...
