you're one of those who always appear and meet me up even though it might be super last minute, though you may be busy, you may be tired. Thanks for all those last minute meet ups we had the past few months. You've been my great pillar of support and i love the talks we have. love you, my jingjing<3 :)
Thanks so much, Heng and G, for all the hugs and love showered on me these days. I really dont know what to do with both of you. I know these are 2 people who love me for me. I love you.
I know that There is no good ending to this initially happy story. The sad ending have already arrived, just that I dont know why is it like taking forever for this drama to end.
Whatever the drama is, you are just the passer-by.
6 years old is the golden age to shine Only if i did shine then :( These 2 kids are really really talented. Only if i have 1/2 of their talent at the age of 18 T-T
You will probably never know that ... how much I love you how much I like you how much I hate you how much I loved you how much I liked you how much I hated you how much I miss you
how much hurt I've went through because of you how much tears I've shed because of you how much I've wanted to die because of you how much I've went through just to let you go
because it's not for me to tell, but for you to ask.
I want to play the electric guitar like Jonghoon! Lol, he's super good! okay, at least to me.
At last FT Island is having a brighter and happier mv and album. I must admit that i always get a little/more emo when i hear their songs and watch their MV. But this happy mv just make me smile :)
i really dont know how to feel and react towards you anymore.
i rather not feel anything than to go through everything now, really.
it would have been much better if we both just remained as strangers.
cause to me, right now, it's a torture knowing you.
i don't know how long will this torture will last, or will it never end, or will it eventually kill me.
i feel the bomb within me is ticking away, it will explode sooner or later, and i don't care how much this bomb will hurt you anymore.
i don't care any longer, because you're not worth it, till the extend that i might just slap myself if i cry over such a reason.
to Heng: I'm sorry for me being like myself always. I always feel bad that i can't be there for you like how you are always there for me. just drop me a msg or call me or whatever it is, tell me when you are happy, sad, angry .. or just feel like being random yeah? I will be here :)
please just go and open a winery, it works better that way.
sorry if you think that i've changed, in fact, you've just begin to start seeing my other side.
you're the first, that i am prepared to break everything.
i'm sorry, and don't expect you to forgive me forever.
whatever, i should stop feeling if i dont know how to feel anymore.
Today was yet another day at home but i managed to fill up my day. Woke up at 12.58pm (sorry to friends who have to wake up early for school), cook lunch for myself and sister, who didnt go school for dont know what reason. yeah, after lunch and some fruits, went around the house doing some chores and some facebook-ing. Then, later in the afternoon, i went with parents to send sister to tuition at Novena, Square 2. Me and mummy walk walk around while sister went for tuition and dad went to do some work stuff. hahaha, its been seriously looooong since me and mummy walked around a mall together and just having dinner, just the 2 of us! it was nice, though i was only a short 2 hrs date with mummy. i ate so so much .. i think i am really going to gain a lot a lot of weight :( I had korean bbq for dinner, fruit sago for dessert. Then when we return home, i had some thailand mango salad & 1.5 donuts :( Tell me i'm going to gain weight and should stop eating before i turn into a pig :/ I told my mum one fine day i return home, she wouldnt be able to recognise me cos i will become so fat like a pig. Then she said, "You think in one day you can turn into a pig ah? And literally look like a pig?!" Haha .. okay, but i think i'm turning into a pink pig soon :(
I should start losing weight!!
But, today was one of the better days in my current life. I dont know why .. No Emo-Do for the past 2 day, which is good i think ...
Mum promise me to dress shop some day .. i hope that day actually comes T-T Okay, now i'm facebook-ing restaurant city .. all sister's fault
I had my own mini movie marathon yesterday. Okay, it's mini not because i watched too little movies in a row, but because i watched it all alone :( hahaha, which is sort of totally fine with me.. lol
So this was what i caught yesterday in order: 1. PS I Love You 2. Bride Wars 3. Made of Honour 4. Get Smart 5. You Don't Mess With the Zohan 6. Wild Child.
To me, all shows were good except, You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It's the really really bad show mann .. lol, i was like bored 1/3 way through it so fast forward and caught a little here and there which made everything worst T-T whatever to that movie, but i hope i do check all the other movie, except the bad one, again :) cos they are all .. great!! really!! Haha, cheers to me for catching all the movies i really really wanna watch in just 1 day. it's also the first time i have caught so many movies in just 1 day ... hahaha.
and today, i think i am going to fb all day .. Lol .. hahahahaha! okay, just to clarify, i am not having holidays. I just happen to have off days on tuesdays and wednesdays (hence, i think i really need to look for a job to cover those 2 days). And it happens that i have NO DONALD until his charger returns.
Other than that ... Today, after school, i went to cineleisure's Ishop to send Donald's charger to the doctors. But, ishop is having some clearance .. so they probably will be having renovations or either they are moving out :( yeah, so i went to wheelock instead to send donald's charger there :( Apparently, not only Donald's charger is dying .. Donald's battery too :(:( and i did my math, i will need about $400 in total to just buy a freaking charger and battery T-T Donald is such an expensive kid.. Oh and guess what!! I found PINK CASING for Donald at last at wheelock!! HAHAHA, i really really wanna buy it .. so i can firstly make donald pink, 2ndly protect him from any future scratches .. (though there are already alot T-T)
Anyhow, i met brother at Wheelock after waiting for him for like a long while roaming at the mac shop. I was really depressed when i heard that parts of donald were dying. I will probably need to get another mac if Donald is going to age so fast :(
haha, long time havent been in town but didnt really have the chance to walk walk around. Went to Balmoral with brother for dinner at Waffletown (i still think that the food there is a rip off. so ex and not worth it!) talk talk and went home
i wanted to go cycling with him at east coast so badly okay :(:( oh wells, another time i guess..
no donald for 2-3 days :( now he is fully charged .. but once i use him, he will probably be dead within an hour or so!
In this world, in my life, though there have been much wind and storm, much heartbreaks and tears, much sadness and disappointment, I've seen many things i used to not take note.
I know something will good will come out of all these i've been put through. I know that Your plan will be perfect for me.
Thanks for always being a call away. You girls are always pull me through. I've been meeting people up these days, listen about girlfriends life and just to see their face, I'm really glad. That i know that these are the people who will always be there for me, as they have promised that we are only a call away though we may be physically far from each other. I thank God for every individual of you, that i can open up my heart to you and have a heart to heart talk though we can don't meet for months. And i thank you for loving me as you have always loved me. _________
I know you don't know how much tonight was for me. I was really touched that you both went down to meet me just with one simple call i made. Though I'm sorry that it was really last minute of me to make such a request, but i was glad that you girls proved that you'll always be there for me with just that little act. I love love you so much, jo and jing :)
& G, for just listening to me the whole of last night, for just sharing your life with me. I am touched by simple things you do for me :)
Do you comprehend the full meaning of being tired? _______________________________________ I really hate it when i behave like a child. I really hate it when i have those thoughts.
I guess this is one of the craziest period of my life. And I'm not exactly enjoying any bit of it. Even if i did enjoyed it, the smile fades away almost immediately.
Father, is there something to wanna reveal to me? I think if i go through any of these any further, I will really go insane. I know you wouldnt give me anything too much for me to bear. But, I think I'm about to reach a point of time when i can't bear it anymore.
I really enjoyed yesterday night. Just chilling out with jing and faith at Rail Mall (though that's just that row of shops in front of my house) But, it's the company that matters though i've been there like more than 100 times.
I really loved our talked though i listened most of the time :) We should chill out like that more often!
Remember, just a call away:) <33 Faith and jingjing.
Girls, once everything is confirmed and settled, we can do it together :) But even if we can't do it, we know that we still had fun in our own little neoprints booth at the changing room! :D
I really wanna do that shoot! Super excited and waiting in anticipation!
Is this a way to build up something called self-confidence? Father, show me the way.
but Heng mentioned once that I shouldnt make Donald pink cos he's a guy .. so its just gay to turn him pink. Donald Donald ... why didn't i just call you a female name T-T ... like ... Pink or pinkkie .. LOL. okay, no. I still love donald though he's not pink okay!
#2. LITTLE GIRL WITH HER PINK PROPERTIES! *take note: the girl is dressed in pink, lying at the top right of this picture TT--TT okay, i think i'm barely half way there now :(
Did i mention i bought a pink pencil box yesterday? It's not only a pink pencil box. It's a pink pencil box with the word PINK printed in pink on the pink pencil box :) Isn't it lovely? One more addition to Doreen's pink item. :)
I'm half way turning all my property pink. Lol, I am always carrying my pink wallet and pink ipod. :) There was once i remember i was bringing so many pink stuff in my pink topshop bag that i had trouble looking for my stuff .. cos like, you open your bag and you see everything is the same colour, pink. Lol, i remember that time, in my pink topshop bag, there was my pink wallet, pink ipod, pink box containing pink pills, pink nike water bottle, .. its a blur what pink stuff actually was inside that pink mess.
Did i mention? I want a pink phone badly :/ Lol.
----- My pink power is contagious okay? Lol. That's why is called pink power for a reason :) Even the black Renee is turning pink. Lol, I love you, my other half!! <33333
Lol, first faz called me up to get Ms Phuah, our scriptwriting teacher's number. Then, Renee asked me online for Mr Ng's number.
[15:30:44] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: lol [15:30:46] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: this is so funny [15:31:11] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: ******** (Mr Ng's number censored) [15:31:23] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: lolol .. faz just called me just now asking me for ms phuah's number .. lol [15:31:32] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: i'm like the teacher's phone book ..lol [15:33:12] Renee Isabelle says: hahahahahhaa [15:33:15] Renee Isabelle says: u'r good with teacher ma [15:33:20] Renee Isabelle says: friend friend [15:33:20] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: LOL [15:33:22] Renee Isabelle says: hahhahah! [15:33:28] Everyone! Read leonard's msn nick! |KOREAN-DO says: now i sound like some teacher's pet okay?
lol, so am i a teacher's pet now or am i just reliable? Haha, i suddenly recall me in secondary school. i was like the tyrant who never gets caught in school and teachers don't give a damn about me. Lol.
If the hero, never comes to you If you need someone, you're feeling blue If you wait for love, and you're alone If you call your friends, nobody's home You can rum away, but you can't hide Through a storm and through a lonely night Then I'll show you there's a destiny The best things in life, they are free
But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder If you need someone, who cares for you If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder Yes I show you what real love can do
If your sky is grey oh let me know There's a place in heaven, where we'll go If heaven is, a million years away Oh just call me and I'll make your day When the nights are getting cold and blue When the days are getting hard for you I will always stay by your side I promise you, I'll never hide
But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder If you need someone, who cares for you If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder Yes I show you what real love can do
But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder If you need someone, who cares for you If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder Yes I show you what real love can do
You're not the only one going through all these alone, my dear. I'm here when you need me the least, when you need me the most. And you know, I'll always love you no matter what you do.
If you really need someone there, to just sit quietly beside you, just ring me up. I may not the best person to advice you on such matters, but I will try my best to keep being there for you!
Don't cry anymore okay? Now, even my eyes hurt, cause I just kept crying for you .. i dont know why. Emotions just flooded me and i just keep tearing. You know its for you, dear. If my eyes hurt, yours must be really painful. You know i'll keep being there for you and love you.
You'll keep having me. :) And it's my promise to you that i will always be there for you be it the good times or bad. I love you loads, my dear cousin.
Bring back your smile, dear! I wanna see your pretty smile and hear your crazy laughter. :)
xoxo, the one who loves you very very much, Doreen
Why do people keep choosing to end their own life before God take them back? People laugh at these people, saying that it's stupid for them to end their own life, it's not worth it. But I guess, we are not in their shoes to say if its worth it or not. We only have the right to be sad and disappointed for what they have did. We don't have the right to judge.
I know i don't, i only get very very sad and emo and disappointed. But yet at the same time, I'm envious of what great courage they have to do something like that. Be it jumping off a building, overdose of pills/detergent, cutting themselves, stabbing themselves, ... They know the consequences, they went through so much emotional struggle before deciding to take the flight to ending their own life. I really am sad that they have to go through all these alone in their head, in their heart.
If I had their courage, I probably wouldn't even have the chance to type this post, or even have the chance to open any of my blogs. I know it's the trend to end one's own life now, but it's not a trend we should follow. Or rather, me.
But though I'm envious for their courage to end their life, people always say, if they had such courage to die, why not face it. I think its 2 different kind of courage to compare. (am i making any sense here?)
Well, but I'm still glad that I didnt chose that flight to end my life. Cause i recently was aware that behind me, a whole lot of people do love me and are concern in everything i do. To them: Thanks so much and I'm really sorry.
I'm glad that God made me vain. So i wouldn't even attempt any methods to kill myself. Cos i did think of all the methods and try thinking of the consequences if i fail to kill myself.
I wanna go Clarke Quay to just sit there infront of Singapore River and just think and talk, who's game for it?
