Friday, October 20, 2006
posted at 7:21 AM
[***NOTE!!: this post is DEFINATELY not referring to anyone. its just to doreen soon and herself alone. if anyone offended by my agitated mood when i type this post, i am sorry. this is just ME....]
the pictures on my blog sways to my mood.
i am a person who dont put my true emotions on my face ..
as in, i dont smile cos i am happy.
i smile for the sake of smiling.
so if my pics are black and white, dont come near me..
4 days since my last post.
these 4 days, i experienced huge emotional attacks.
if you dont understand my previous line, i dont exactly know what i am trying to type here.
its just ... pls read on.
HAPPY:i have at last achieve a high B3 for my chinese.
though my aim is to get an A1 by next year, its a good start for me and i am so glad that all the efffort for staying back for lao shi's extra lesson was worth it..
GOONG-ing like mad and managed to finish it on tuesday from 6-12am with 7 espisode..
rushed like mad!
1st time rushing ever since the exams are over.
examss.... curse it..went out with jo yesterday,KAP
okay, i know. what a place to go after the exams.
we were there to celebrate for .. okay, this sound really weird..
the both of us are called the F9 club.
now you can expect a really emo post from doreen once again.
exam are so terrible.
i guess we werent not exactly very happy deep down inside.
but to think that there will be a friend with you who is going thru everything with you, i feel really glad.. as in, she will be there.
its not that i am glad that a friend flunk so many subs with me, its just that, i am not alone.
it was quite obvious that we were cheering each other up until 5 talking crap.
talking about retaining together and transferring together and going to the same poly together in the future, i know we are going to pull thru all these together..
i love JO:)EMOTIONALly attacked..wondering how bad doreen meant by flunk.
i really mean flunk FLUNK!
i cant believe how my world can crash down on me as such a time like this.
how can i fail like 5 subs out of 8.
you will never know how i am feeling even though you can be comforting me and all online, on the phone or talking to me or just asking me to stop crying.
i am sick of living.. i really am..
for those of you who are close to me, you know that i started studying for this exams a freaking 2 months before.
1st time
MUGGING SO HARD FOR MY EXAMS, i did the worst in my whole entire life.
i even did better for pri 6 and sec one, the 2 years i slack thru the most and still making the mark.
the moral of the story here is
DONT STUDY TOO HARD FOR YOUR EXAMS COS YOU WILL FAIL!i feel so cheated, its like everyone have been lying to me.
i know you guys always comforted me and all when i cry in school.
but, you will never know how it feels to fail 5 sub.
only jo and sharon understands.
cos they did their part and studied too..
why is everything like that?
i dont know.
just call it my fate.
this eoys gave me a lot of sleepless nights.
its not that i was burning midnight oil or something, its that i just cant sleep thinking that the exams is going to be in 10-20 days.
thats how early i started freaking out for the eoys.
thats how early i got so stressed out for this freaking damn bastard examinations!!!
what the F***!
i know, i am so pissed at myself to the extent of not going to care about what i say.
i dont wanna retain! I DONT WANNA GET ADVANCED!looking at my CA results and eoys, its like yi ge tian yi ge di.
doesnt even look like my results.
i bet if the teachers sees it, they will doubt my results or something.
from Bs to Fs..
what the F..
i failed
literature, amaths, chemistry, physics, ss/historyyes, doreen can just go and die.
my gosh.
which idiotic retarded ass who mugged 2 months before hand can fail 5 subs??do: (raises up hand)ME!!! I AM THE IDIOTIC RETARDED ASS!i am so sick of these.. i just wanna run away!
i feel such an embarrassment now when i stay near to friends who score so freaking high or pass their exams.
yes, inferior.. i am like shit!
apparently, that sounded a little like my clique.
they all score so freaking high and now i dont feel like hanging around too much with them.
its like throwing their face for having such a dumb ass as a friend..
how bad can doreen's life get??
back problem, skin problem, neck problem,
I AM SICK OF MY LIFE!!
CAN EVERYTHING JUST END HERE??!?!?!?!another attack on me and i am going to have an heartattack here and collapse and better die.
i am seriously sick of doreen's life.
how i wish and i can enter someone else's life and be happy.
how future is so dark till i have to worry so much for what will happen tmr.
what if the teacher comes up to me with a letter that state that doreen is out of mgs?
seeing how dissappointed my parents will be, i feel like smashing my damn head into the wall.
yeah, you probably see me in school going around smiling at everyone and laughing and telling everyone that i failed 5 subs, pls let me be like that.
this is the only way i can place that mask over my face and act normal and tell everyone is no big deal failing your exams.
this is the only way i can run away from reality for a little while.
thats why i am still going to school.
all i can do now, it to go to school and cheer myself up with my cranky jokes on others..
all i can do before i leave is to leave a good impression on everyone and do something that will allow everyone to remember me even after i leave a place i am been for almost my whole life.
pls dont tell me how my CAs can save me and its okay cos its only the exams.
duh its okay for you, cos you havent gone thru it.
i know which subs can my CAs save me and i know that i am in deep SHIT down... ARGH!!
i must be prepared for a transfer or retaining and not able to spend time with my friends even though many still choose to pon.
i will just accept the fact and visit and cold dark room once again with my tears..
i am sick of .. sick of everything.. I DONT WANNA CRY ANYMORE.
i know crying will not change the fact that i failed 5 subs or turn back time, but thats the only thing i can do now to make me stop thinking about all these.
my eyes are hurting from crying.. they really are.. PLS SAVE ME!
sighx, to those people who complains nonstop about failing one sub or get really depressed over that one D7/E8/F9 or one more mark to your A1:
PLS STOP IT!! you all just make me feel worse!!
i am not aiming at anyone.
i am just speaking for those people like me who failed almost all subs.
your presence just make us feel more inferior.
and when i say 'can you stop saying you failed just because of one mark?? just think about me man. i failed 5 subs and i am still sitting here listening to your one sub complain' , pls stop your whining.
I SUCK!! throw eggs at me pls.
those people who did well for your exams, congrats.
i have nothing else to say cos i am
not in the mood tosighx, i will just walk away to my slient corner.
slient scream!!!
