Thursday, September 4, 2008
posted at 11:59 PM
Damn, now, i feel that i talked too much today, shared too much.
Sometimes, people really take what i said too hard, take what i said too literally.
What's wrong? Is it just me or is it that i'm really getting the looks and stares from others just because i revealed a little more of what i really am.
Well, i never thought that i'm the kind who would bear grudges, the kind who have a lot of hatred and hurt in me.
It was until that pastor told me.
He told me that, God knows that you have a lot of hatred, a lot of hurt within you.
Then did i realised that I'm not a person who is easy at forgiving others.
It's not my fault right?
After much conversation with my friends previously about myself, i also found out that i have much grudges i bear that have already been old.
Is it really my fault?
Well, i feel that now, they think that i'm just sadist piece of shit.
like i'm just a girl who thinks too much, who wants revenge, who is actually a assassin who goes out in the night to kill those who've hurt me.
I admit that I'm a emo, full of negative thinking, ..
but i'm sick of this.
just think of me as whatever you want.
Everyone has almost a total view of my character.
Well, if you think i'm quiet and shy, i am.
if you think i'm gangsterish, i am.
if you think i'm dao, i am.
think whatever you want.
I've complicated characteristics, no point defining who i am.
And today, i saw so much during the retreat.
I really need to have more forgiveness towards the people who hurt me, and especially towards myself.
Cause i realised that, it is because of all these hatred and hurt and the unforgiving heart i have, that result in everything i am in now, that result to all the emo bits of me.
Yes, I'm like torturing myself mentally and emotionally for all the wrong I've done.
Damn me.
But, I'm glad that you have been always there for me.
Thank you, my friend that's reading this.
