I was walking along the same familiar path to the busstop. The only thing i heard was my footsteps.
As i think back about my life, what can i say? i've made such a waste of this life. Whatever i've done in this life have not turned into anything beautiful. Well, i guess that's what i am, an ugly duckling.
As i board the bus with heavy footsteps, those thoughts just kept increasing. I stood there, feeling super bottled up. I realised that, no one, no one was there. I wanted to run away, i wanted to run away but i couldnt, those legs wouldnt bring me anywhere far. So i continue to stand there, as if i've just lost everything, as if there was nothing else to live for. As if i've just got ditch by my boyfriend, i rest my head on one of my shoulder, ignoring the stares of others, holding back those tears.
I walked and walked, never knew that that same breeze could actually be so hard and cold. It made me realised again, i'm all by myself. Ignoring that fact, i kept moving. Soon i realised that other than me moving, everything seemed have stand still in their own postitions, everyone turned cold. I stood alone as i look up to the bright moon that seems to be the only one there for me. 'How long will it take me to reach to you, Mr. Moon?' i thought like a child. Then i realised that i couldnt move any farther, my feet were guled to the ground for some reason. The next thing i knew, i was tearing up. How long have my eyes locked these tears in them? How long have these tears been pulled back in my eyes by unknown forces? How long is this world going to continue to stay cold?
I am super unwanted. Even the dog that barks at me all the time didn't bother barking at me this evening, even the neighbour who always walks her dog decided to not take that same route. Trying at my best, i rewalked the same path, hoping to feel the warmth of another human. Why am i trying so hard, when others don't?
From a far, i see a house that's warmly lited. Doors opened wide, as if waiting for 'prodigal son' to come home. 'There's the only place i can hide at' i thought to myself. Faked a face, changed those heavy footsteps into joyous light one, i stepped into the house. What else could i have done?
Entering the house, i told myself 'this puts a end to everything'. Looking around that house, everything seemed the same, the same as all the others out there, hard and cold.
Labels: emo