Sunday, November 23, 2008
posted at 12:03 AM
yes, i'm just known as just some emo freak.
some sadist person who bears all sort of grudges, who are waiting for the right time for revenge.
whatever.
I dont know when is time to go back, to go back to Him.
its like that for like slightly a week before i stopped working, which is actually almost 2 months.
crap, this is bad.
someone should just kill me for ignoring Him for the whole time.
and this made me think,
maybe all these while,
all the silent self-murder i had, all the tears i cried, all the pain i felt, all the agony i experienced, all the angry i couldnt control, all the evilness i had,
its the result of ignoring Him.
But yet, he always still is there for me.
I can feel Him being right beside me when i need Him.
But, stupid me just choose to ignore Him when i dont need a genie to perform magic for me.
I suck, seriously.
Icy is trying to make me happy.
But, i'm sure Icy forgot her friend is stubborn.
My emotions can't just change because of that.
Thanks for the effort still, dear.
One thing makes me happy for sure, Fangirling.
which is bad, because i start to be so dependent on entertainment.
well, no one's loves me that much to make the effort to make me smile, other than Icy.
It's like how my spiritual life is still stagnant cos its just left there too long.
i've put in alot of thought and tried hard but nothing works.
i seriously need to get a book to start reading, those in far east i saw with Kenna was great.
i just need a sponsor. (i shall wait for my mummy to come back, hope she does sponsor)
Why am i always waiting for my spiritual life to get better and not do something on my own?
Cos its been left that so long that i dont want to even peep into it anymore.
I'm so sorry, Father.
You just got a super stupid, dumb, ugly daughter.
Your creation ruin herself.
It's getting bad, i skip Christian tracks when they play on my itunes.
I tend to stone during prayer meetings.
I tend to get very distracted during service.
I tend to think about all other things than to focus on You.
What's up with me thinking so much and wasting all my time?
I've my emo-clown model to work on, drawings to complete, korean to revise, ...
I should totally just dig out my brain and heart out of me and grind it.
Seriously, people like me don't deserve to smile.
This is not working.
Thanks, Icy.
Labels: emo, Him
