Wednesday, March 4, 2009
posted at 2:05 AM
dont know for what particular reason, i have this funny feeling inside of me. well i cant really describe it ...
then again, i always have weird retarded emotions.
those that make me high and happy for a particular moment or hour,
those that make me super emo for ages,
those that make me super troubled and dont know what to do.
fine, its probably just me.
---
went out for dinner at Buddy's with bitch, L, renee and fel.
we had a great talked during dinner, which was great.
it have been a while since i've caught up with euminl in person. lol, we usually just talk everything online ...
then we headed to school, to do some nra stuff. well, not me or L, its for the other 3:)
haha, then i was telling them how i want to join nra. should i?
i hope i can still cope with school and all even after i join. but will they even take me to begin with?
well, cos i feel at least more human now. that period of being 'a physically dead person' is over.
i feel like a human now, a normal human. i can run, i can play sports like anyone else.
i need to go and do whatever i was doing, whatever i wanted to do before i had my whole back screwing up on me.
Thank God.but half of me secretly still wants to be physically disabled.----
one more day closer to Donald's return :)
missmiss him :/
Labels: bitchy bimbo, dance, donald, emo, God, Him
Sunday, November 23, 2008
posted at 12:03 AM
yes, i'm just known as just some emo freak.
some sadist person who bears all sort of grudges, who are waiting for the right time for revenge.
whatever.
I dont know when is time to go back, to go back to Him.
its like that for like slightly a week before i stopped working, which is actually almost 2 months.
crap, this is bad.
someone should just kill me for ignoring Him for the whole time.
and this made me think,
maybe all these while,
all the silent self-murder i had, all the tears i cried, all the pain i felt, all the agony i experienced, all the angry i couldnt control, all the evilness i had,
its the result of ignoring Him.
But yet, he always still is there for me.
I can feel Him being right beside me when i need Him.
But, stupid me just choose to ignore Him when i dont need a genie to perform magic for me.
I suck, seriously.
Icy is trying to make me happy.
But, i'm sure Icy forgot her friend is stubborn.
My emotions can't just change because of that.
Thanks for the effort still, dear.
One thing makes me happy for sure, Fangirling.
which is bad, because i start to be so dependent on entertainment.
well, no one's loves me that much to make the effort to make me smile, other than Icy.
It's like how my spiritual life is still stagnant cos its just left there too long.
i've put in alot of thought and tried hard but nothing works.
i seriously need to get a book to start reading, those in far east i saw with Kenna was great.
i just need a sponsor. (i shall wait for my mummy to come back, hope she does sponsor)
Why am i always waiting for my spiritual life to get better and not do something on my own?
Cos its been left that so long that i dont want to even peep into it anymore.
I'm so sorry, Father.
You just got a super stupid, dumb, ugly daughter.
Your creation ruin herself.
It's getting bad, i skip Christian tracks when they play on my itunes.
I tend to stone during prayer meetings.
I tend to get very distracted during service.
I tend to think about all other things than to focus on You.
What's up with me thinking so much and wasting all my time?
I've my emo-clown model to work on, drawings to complete, korean to revise, ...
I should totally just dig out my brain and heart out of me and grind it.
Seriously, people like me don't deserve to smile.
This is not working.
Thanks, Icy.
Labels: emo, Him
